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I first heard about Comfort Zone Camp shortly after 9/11, when the CZC team came to New Jersey to help kids who had lost a parent in the attack on the World Trade Center in NYC. Two of my teacher friends had volunteered to be big buddies and came back from camp talking about what a life-altering experience it had been for them, and I just knew that I had to get involved. Although I hadn’t experienced close loss at that time in my life, I felt that I’d be a good big buddy because of my innate nature to care for others. Without hesitation, I went to the training, and I was ready to be a part of it all.
At the time, I didn’t know how valuable Comfort Zone Camp would still be for me 25 years later.
My first little buddy was Trish. I was 25 and she was 16. We spent time bonding at camp, and I learned a lot about grief from her as she shared the heartbreaking story of losing her dad on 9/11. I have fond memories of sharing hugs at healing circle and bonfire, and sharing smiles and laughs during challenge course and arts & crafts.
About a year later, I experienced the heartbreaking loss of my own father, and then I really knew and understood the pain that she had been feeling. I was very close with my father, so the loss hit me hard. I remember feeling sad, confused, and lost — wondering how I could go on in life and ever feel happiness again — but I remembered Trish and all the kids at camp, and how resilient they were.
I knew that it was okay to remember, and okay to grieve, but also okay to go on and experience all the good that life had to offer.
Then in 2005, as Trish was ready to become a big buddy herself, an opportunity arose for me to make a connection with another little buddy. Taylor was a former student of mine with whom I had remained close. She was 9 at the time, and she watched as her dad bravely battled cancer — the same way mine did just a year before. Sadly, he passed away, and when I told her mom about Comfort Zone Camp, she knew that Taylor would benefit from the experience of being a camper with me as her big buddy. It was another special camp memory for me, being there with my former little buddy (who was now a big buddy) and my new little buddy, with whom I’m still close 21 years later.
After that, life got really busy for me, and my time at camp became some very special memories that I held in my heart. My teaching career was full of commitments, and I got married to my high school sweetheart, Erik, in 2007. In 2008, my own health gave me a scare when I found out that I had thyroid cancer, but before I knew it, we were welcoming our first daughter, Jillian, in 2010. I loved being a mom, and then we were blessed again with the arrival of our second daughter, Kendall, in 2012. Life was great! We had good jobs, a house to call our own, and plenty of family time filled with laughter and light!
That is, until 2020 began.
Very early in January, I noticed that something seemed strange with Kendall. She was losing her balance, and her coordination seemed to be “off.” My mother’s intuition told me that I had to get her checked out, and I braced for the worst. When we took her to our local hospital, they ran many different tests but assured us that they had discovered what was wrong and that with intravenous steroids, IVIG, and possibly some physical therapy, she would have a full recovery.
Over the next two months, I watched her continue to decline, and finally the day came for our second-opinion appointment at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. By this time, COVID protocols had reached our area, and that made it challenging to navigate appointments and what wound up being a two-week hospital stay. We were absolutely devastated when their tests revealed one of my worst fears. Anaplastic astrocytoma… inoperable brain cancer… what were we going to do? Everything happened so fast. Although the team came up with a treatment plan, we never even got to start.
Kendall declined so fast, and on May 16, 2020, she took her last breath, just 34 days after her diagnosis.
I don’t even know the words to describe how I felt. They were the darkest days of my life.
I literally didn’t know how to go on. But for Jillian, who was 10 at the time, I knew I had to push through. We had loving family and friends from all walks of life there to support us, but the grief was so heavy, and eventually we reached out for additional help. We tried therapy, together as a family and separately, but it still felt like we were missing something.
In 2021, I came across a moms’ retreat hosted by another organization for grieving mothers, but I’ll never forget the day that Jillian said to me, “Mom, I want to go to something like that,” and Comfort Zone Camp immediately flashed through my mind. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. She participated in her first camp virtually, just to get a feel for what camp might be like, and also partly because of restrictions still in place due to COVID. However, when the opportunity came for her to attend her first camp in person, she was beyond excited! I was pleased to learn that they offered a parent program at that particular camp, and I was excited to relive the camp memories I had from years ago.
I was amazed that the basic schedule and structure of camp were just as I remembered. The love and support from everyone — staff, volunteers, and fellow camp parents — was amazing! Jillian made connections and friendships that she continues to build today. She has had two different big buddies whom she keeps in touch with on a regular basis, and that makes my heart so happy! Every year, when the camp calendar is posted, she immediately pulls out our family calendar to choose the camp that will best fit into our schedule, and she literally counts down the days until she can go!
This past year, she attended training to become a junior counselor herself. It gives her more opportunities to be in the camp bubble, plus the chance to give back. We have a very strong belief in service to our community, and being able to give back in such a meaningful way gives her a great sense of purpose. As I look back on all these years and reflect on the impact that Comfort Zone Camp has made in my life, I’m truly astounded.
I have experienced it all.
From being a volunteer, to being a camp parent and participating in the parent program, to being a resource, able to recommend camp to other families I know with kids who have experienced loss. I am thankful to Lynne Hughes for never giving up on her dream and for inspiring so many people across the country to continue to provide a safe space for grieving children to just have some fun. As Jillian collects more and more pins from every camp she attends, I think it’s pretty cool that I have the original lobster pin, as well as the lobster Beanie Baby and cool swag that I consider “vintage.”
Comfort Zone Camp will always hold a special place in our hearts, and we will continue to give back as long as we can!
