The Day My World Changed: Coping with the Loss of My Sister
On August 11, 2009 a ridiculously cute baby was born at St. Mary’s Hospital right here in Richmond. That cute little baby was me. It was also the day that my sister Lucia went from being a little sister to being a big sister. We three Bremer kids–William, Lucia, and I grew up in a close family with both of my parents. And since Lucia was closest to me in age (but much more responsible), I looked up to her from the start. Lucia loved playing soccer, and she was good at it too. She was a good runner and was on the swim team as well. She was a straight A student, and she made people laugh. We laughed together during something we called “belly button time.” She was good at finding sharks’ teeth during our family vacations to Topsail Island. She was the best out of all of us at helping on our family farm. She was also good at helping me gang up on our big brother William during sibling squabbles.
It seemed like she always had my back and that we were always together.
March 26, 2021 started as a day like any other. I remember that it was a particularly warm and a pretty day outside. I went to school and after I came home, Lucia arrived about an hour or two later. It seemed very typical when she left the house to go play soccer with her friends at the Godwin high school fields. But then we got a call that changed everything. We rushed across the neighborhood to the area by the high school, and William and I watched as Lucia was rolled into an ambulance and someone from EMS drove my mom in a separate emergency vehicle. We were driven to the hospital by a friend, and we waited in a private waiting room. It seemed like a long time, maybe about 30 minutes. I waited silently wanting to hear what had happened to my sister and praying that I wouldn’t lose her.
On March 26, 2021, my sister was shot and killed in her friend’s garage near Godwin high school.
After Lucia was killed, my life felt bleak. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without my sister who was like a best friend to me and who had supported me everyday up until the day she was taken from us. My mind was filled with uncertainty and it felt like a large part of what made me who I am was missing. My teachers and my principal gave me special attention. My friends wrote me special notes. It seemed like my parents had to talk to the police and detectives all the time. Lucia’s picture was on the news. I went to see a counselor. We got a new puppy.
Everybody was standing with my family, but I felt alone.
It was only a few months later that my parents asked William and I if we wanted to go to Comfort Zone Camp. A grief camp? It wasn’t a hard decision for me, I definitely wanted to go. William wasn’t so sure, so this ended up meaning I was going to go on my own.
On October 1, 2021, I pulled up to my first camp near Greensboro North Carolina. It’s hard to describe but I instantly felt supported. I hadn’t felt that way for a long time. All the campers, whether new or seasoned camp veterans, treated me with so much empathy and compassion. The first night, our group sat in a circle. One of the leaders explained that it was a Healing Circle, and then one of the returning campers shared his story of who he was, who he had lost, and how he was doing now. After listening to him talk, I felt comfortable enough to share my story.
I told the group who I was and how Lucia had died.
Everyone listened closely. We listened to each other. I started to be able to understand my own grief by listening to their stories and the ways they coped with their own losses. At camp I felt like I was in a safe space–all of the campers feel that way. At camp we have lots of fun too. We eat pancakes, we play games, and we have team challenges. On the last night of camp, there is a bonfire. All of the campers stand with their Healing Circle and throw a written note to their loved one into a campfire.
To me, camp is a special way to forge connections with young people who have had similar experiences.
After my first camp, I felt less alone. I came home from camp and told my brother all about it and convinced him that he should try it out. After telling my story at camp, it made it easier to talk about Lucia in general. When the time came in 2023, I decided I wanted to testify at Lucia’s trial. I told the judge some of the same things that I’m telling you now – how me losing Lucia has impacted me to my core.
Today, I’m a 9th grader at Godwin high school. I am still Lucia’s little brother.
People tell me I look like her. Her friends who are seniors look out for me. I try to focus at school so that I can be as good of a student as she was. I’m not as good at soccer as she was, but I run on the cross country team and I recently made the swim team for my high school. I am a member of the Camper Advisory Council ( or cac) for Comfort Zone Camp. I go to camp once a year, and I love having fun with my friends from past camps.
Looking back, CZC showed me that I was not alone at a time that I needed it most.
I believe everyone should have someone to lean on during hard times, and CZC has been that place for me. CZC is a great organization that helps kids from all over the country tell their stories and find their way even though their lives have been changed. That is why it is important to support CZC, so that you can help kids as they go through their grief journey.
